Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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