Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
