yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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