There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
