the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
