How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I need help removing her.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize