Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
