My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
