I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
