I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Fuck appropriateness.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
