Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
