if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
