She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
