Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
