I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
