i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
