Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize