You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
