the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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