Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
