And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
