Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
