Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
