Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
