your parents love me but you hate me
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize