They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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