im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
