Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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