4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
