I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
