He had one of those small greek statue penises
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
