is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is Oprah even human
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
