I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
