after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
