Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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