You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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