I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
