Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
