Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
