I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize