We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We're too hungover to prance.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
