So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
