Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
