Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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