And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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