The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
