I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
