You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
