At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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