So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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