When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
