Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
