if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
