you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
