this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
