areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
