quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
