she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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