the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
