shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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