Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
