i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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