Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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