why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
